my life is sooo monotonous at the moment.
wake up at 6am, study. eat breakfast. drive to uni. work in the lab. go to lecturers. eat lunch on the run. work more in the lab. drive to 2nd work. pour drinks and pretend i like people until 1am. come home to sleeping house. drink coffee. eat dinner. research and write papers. fitful sleep. repeat
“i refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed man”
this is my life at the moment. my beautiful multicultural country is full of intolerant, uneducated people with small minds and huge opinions. i cannot stand it. what makes me especially mad is that getting though to these people is like talking to a brick wall. their only reply to any intelligent idea is “send them back to where they came from” or “under a liberal government everything would be better”or even more brilliantly “fuck you”. where are your own words? where is your own informed opinion? sure your great grandpa was a liberal. good on him. he probably had a reason for it. what is your reason besides “my father always said”
i wish people would stop attacking me because i refuse to be spoon fed medias lies.
i like walking past an indian woman with her child feeding the ducks, I like that there is a man kneeling on his prayer mat down one of the library isles. i love my beautiful saudi friend Zahra, who brings me garlic-ey breakfasts and never ever has anything bad to say about anyone, who loves this country and our freedom, who thinks i am brave because i am independent.
i hate seeing “go home” stickers on the back of peoples cars. i hate seeing the looks zahra gets because of her hijab, i hate when people talk to her slowly. shes a fucking scientist. she can write a scientific paper in 3 languages you bastard. i hate that people are so narrow minded. i hate that they are a majority. sometimes i hate that I am australian
summer salted all our winter wounds,
pressed them cool against the tiles.
just like the day i burn at both ends.
sometimes i think im learning nothing at university. then i go for a dive, see a nudibranch then surface and gurgle happily “far out did you see that chromadoris” and everyone raises their eyebrows or i go fishing with my boyfriend and sit on the bank naming every mollusc “Saccostrea glomerata, Veneridae, Galeomatidae, thiaridae” and he laughs his head off at my nerd speak. then i know im a rookie marine biologist. then i know im living the dream.
im always wishing that things would be over. that things would start. that things will come. that things will go. that someone would see me and think “gosh shes amazing” and just have to talk to me, ask for my number, call me. wishing that that person would be sober. wishing that i was not sober. wishing that i could do maths. wishing that i didnt have to write another biology paper. wishing that i had my PhD in Biology. wishing that i could go home. wishing that i was somewhere else. wishing i was back in borneo. wishing that someone would understand. wishing that i was just a little shorter. wishing that he was just a little taller. wishing that he was someone else. wishing he would stay, wishing he would leave me alone, wishing he would move closer to me in bed, wishing he would wake up before me in the morning, wishing i was prettier, wishing i was fitter. wishing people didnt think i was so weird. wishing i wasnt so weird. wishing i was smarter, wishing i was richer, wishing i could be anything else than precisely what i am. wishing my life away.
its a storm you can weather.
i hate to sound like some leftist hippy but whatever happened to a little love for our fellow man and our beautiful earth. i cant believe how we treat each other. tonight at work i just wanted to scream at people. how hard is it to treat other people with respect? and maybe give someone a smile just because? i know im your lowly waitress, but im also someones daughter, someones lover, someones sister, a scientist.
